Relationships are the essence of life. From the moment you enter this world you are fully engaged in a relationship with your parents and the environment to which you are born. If you are born into a family with other children, your siblings also become part of your relational existence. When you enter school you form relationships with your peers and teachers, and of course as you grow up and enter the workforce, you find yourself in relationships with your bosses and co-workers.
What a multitude of interactions you form before you even enter into a love relationship as an adult! Relationships can be a source of joy and peace or one of strife and misery. They can inspire and uplift you to the best version of yourself or negatively set you off and bring forth characteristics you didn’t even know were a part of you! This of course is called your shadow side and is an invitation to look at the most important relationship you will ever have: the one you maintain with yourself.
When you come into this world you are a pure expression of all that it means to be a human being. As you live in joy in the moment, you experience reactions from those around you. Some of those reactions are not too nice so you quickly learn which parts of you are unacceptable and need to be tucked away from the world.
These suppressed traits comprise your shadow self and as you mature into conscious adults, you get the chance to revisit this side as you engage in relationships with others. The universe as you perceive it, whether in circumstances you find yourself in, or your interactions with other people, is a mirror of all that you are consciously and unconsciously. It shows you the parts you proudly own and admire, as well as the parts that need to be healed.
Takea moment and think of someone that you have a relationship with. What do you like most about this person? Do you recognize that trait in yourself? If not immediately apparent, take a few moments and really think about it. For example, lets say you truly admire a co-workers dedication on the job but you don’t see that same dedication in yourself since you find yourself taking sick days and not being motivated to finish your work assignments.
Thats ok. You are trying to recognize the trait, not the circumstance.
Are you dedicated to your children and family? What about to a hobby or passion? Look hard until you recognize the same traits in yourself that you admire in others! Now lets do the same with the shadow side. Think of someone in your life that has a characteristic that totally sets you off in a negative way. Maybe it incites anger in you or a physical sensation in your body. Perhaps its your love partner and you think they are extremely selfish. If you are like most people, you will say the reason it bothers you so much that they are that way is because you are NOT that way! However, as human beings we all possess all human traits. Remember, some we tucked away early on because of the negative consequences they brought to us.
The knowledge and awareness that what you experience in your relationships is mirroring you, is both enlightening and freeing. As you accept that you possess all traits that are human you can use your relationships for you own growth as an individual.
Celebrate the traits you like in others knowing you also possess the same traits. Become aware of when you exhibit these traits and make the conscious decision to nurture them.
Also take note of what you really dislike in others and use EFT (emotional freedom technique) to change the negative reactions you experience when you notice those traits. By using EFT to clear the negative energy patterns, you invite self- acceptance and love and can now consciously choose which traits to nurture and which to let go by the wayside. You will also notice that as you balance your energy around what you don’t like in others, that behavior will actually start to diminish because the law of attraction matches your energetic charge at all times!
Relationships are the elixir of life. In this new year, let them be your greatest source of joy and freedom.