Even when a relationship has been restored after a difficult time, particularly when that time included a separation or breakup, depression can be a common reaction. You may be confused by this reaction because in your mind everything is alright now, you’re back together. You should be feeling happy not going through relationship depression. So, why are you depressed?
Just recently you went through a very difficult experience, it was devastating for you. Your emotions have been all over the board. If harsh words were spoken or harsh actions, or cheating was involved, the breakup or cooling off period was extremely rough. You were hurt deeply, and even if you now believe that there is nothing more painful that can happen within your relationship, you feel depressed because the pain was real and it’s going to take time to heal.
If you were the one who cheated or spoke harshly and the other person forgave you, perhaps you feel depressed because the impact of your actions is beginning to sink in. Or maybe you feel that you’re being closely monitored, your significant other is waiting for the next sign of abuse or wondering all the time where you are and what you are doing. You also may be depressed because you really don’t want to be in this relationship and you’re only now becoming aware of it. You may have worked hard for reconciliation, but now you’re not so sure that this is what you want.
If no abuse or cheating was involved, depression can still occur after a restored relationship. The awareness that you or your partner didn’t want the relationship to continue, that they were ready to pursue life apart from you, can leave you feeling uneasy now that you’re back together. The ‘why’s’ and “what’s’ may not have been worked out, and truthfully, they may never be. This can be difficult to deal with.
The pain caused by the emotions of a breakup or separation can linger for some time. Fear, anger, confusion, regret, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration are emotions that have a lingering affect. Depression is a natural result after an emotionally charge period of time.
A breakup is one of the most difficult situations a person can go through, no matter what the reason. Even if you didn’t officially separate, the situation was such that the possibility was there. The emotional process for the ending of a relationship is the same as you have for any painful ending, like death. Depression can be part of that process.
It is a life changing event to have a break up or even a near break up. It is wonderful that you’re back together, but keep working on the relationship, stay strong. Be sure it’s where you want to be and work on building a lasting union together.